🔗 Share this article

One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?